Dear Jackass,
I have this feeling that this girl is mine?
What are your thoughts on it.It is kind of unusual to ve this feeling as i ve never gone out w her.Can nt even remember how i got the feeling that she is mine.because i ve had this feeling for over one year
She is a good lookibg girl. So if she wants to she can get anyone.n its nt like i am the baseball captain to think that every girl will like me. So still why think that she is mine.
Ve u ever had a feeling lije this?
Sincrely,
Feely But Not Touchy
Dear Ace Frehley,
Your dilemma is an ancient one. Witness the following verses written in the distant past:
Many people have had this feeling, Ace. It’s called stalking, and it’s perfectly natural. Thousands of people just like you stalk women every year. Now, the judicial system, women’s advocacy groups and society at large will tell you that what you’re doing is wrong and you should stop immediately. And they’re right.
What do you mean she’s “yours”? Do you hold her deed? Do you have majority ownership in her stock? Did you give birth to her? Oh sweet fuck, Ace, are you talking about your own daughter?! I mean, I guess stalking your own child would take significantly less effort than stalking, say, Megan Fox, but I assure you there is a special room in hell for people like you. Seek professional counseling, Ace. And while you’re at it, find a good grammar tutor too. You’ll need it for filling out all those depositions you’re going to have to do.
Look, Ace, I get it. You’ve got a crush. It happens to all of us. I mean, fuck, I’ve been posting about Megan Fox on this website for almost a year and a half now. But I know Megan is not mine. She belongs to that douche from 90210, which really makes her tainted goods, now that I think about it. Oh…oh my god…am I starting to fall out of love with Megan Fox? Hang on, let me…
Nope, just looked at the above picture again. Still good.
Anyway, what you need to do, Ace, is get the fuck out of your house. Talk to a few women. Maybe try to cultivate the concept that they’re human beings and can’t be “yours” unless you buy them on the Central Ohio human trafficking black market. Wait, did you buy this girl from a slaver in Columbus? Because if that’s the case I take back everything I said. I mean, not the part where I implied that you’re a terrible person, that part is solid. But if you bought her fair and square, I guess you could actually consider her “yours”.
I guess what I’m trying to say here is that human trafficking is great. It’s good to know that slavery is alive and well and thriving in the Buckeye State. Kudos to you, Ohio. As in everything else, you’re still 150 years behind the rest of the country.
Ask a Jackass is a regular feature allowing the reader to write in to request bad advice on all of their pressing life issues. To submit a question, write to askajackass@fataldownflaw.com.
