Dear Jackass,
To start off, I am 18, I am in college, I have a job, I just got a gf, I was a varsity athlete, I do what my parents ask, I don’t smoke,drink,party, and I’ve never had any problems with authorities or anything else.
My mom will list daily chores or at least hint I need to do them. And 99% of the time I do them, but if I miss even one thing (like today, I forgot to empty the dish washer) and she comes home and starts yelling at me, slamming doors and making noises, stomping etc… saying that i never do what she asks, and that she always has to tell me to do my chores and I’m really disrespectful, that I’m a bum, I need to get a life, and I need to get a second job….
I’m not really sure what to do, I get along with my sister, my dad, but not my mom. She just seems to be the problem in the family. Everything will be fine, everyone will be content happy etc… and then she’ll say something and everybody starts fighting and all hell breaks loose.
I’m really considering on moving out and my temptations gets worse every time this happens.
Any advice????
Sincerely,
Son of a-
Dear Sanje,
First, let me thank you for your almost perfect grammar and (aside from an unnecessary plethora of question marks) punctuation. I get entirely too little of that around here. Well played, sir. I salute you.
Now, on to your problem. It’s hard to diagnose the issue without more specific examples of your mother’s outbursts, but from what you tell me I think that your mom is a classic bitch. One could make a case for her being a closet alcoholic, trapped in a loveless and possibly even adversarial marriage or stuck in a disappointing and wholly unfulfilling life, but these are all just root causes of bitchdom.
The good news, Sanje, is that from what you say you do not seem to be at fault here, except possibly by the very fact of your birth. Don’t blame yourself, pal, this one’s not on you. The bad news is that there are few cures for being a bitch, and the treatment process is often long and difficult. If it were a friend or spouse you were dealing with, I might suggest attempting to help them in acquiring sexual intercourse (or “get them laid” in layman’s terms) as this often helps treat some of the symptoms of bitchiness if not the causes. However, seeing as it’s your mom that would be ridiculously awkward at best and horrifically backfire at worst. Perhaps you can get someone to buy a nice bottle of wine for you to give to her, or pick some flowers or something. I’m spitballing here, Sanje. Science has so far not found an adequate way to turn a miserable human being back into a decent person.
All in all, I’d say your instinct to move out is the best one. When you live away from home you get the opportunity to deal with your parents on your own terms, and you would never have to deal with her again except when you wanted to do your laundry for free and get a real meal for a change. It would also allow you to smoke, drink, party and do all of the other things your tyrannical mother has prevented you from trying so far. Your sister, assuming she’s still in the house, will come out the worse for this, but fuck her. You’re not your sister’s keeper. The screaming harpy that gave birth to you is.
Good luck, Sanje. The jackass feels your pain.
Actually, that’s a blatant lie. My mom is completely awesome. I just wanted you to feel better instead of rubbing it in your face how much better my life is than yours. But I see that’s not going to happen now. Enjoy your personal hell, sucker.
“and horrifically backfire at worst. ”
Hilarious!!