Look, internet. It is not the fault of the rarely-sober staff at this two-bit website that you KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE. As the individuals responsible for the societal failure that is Fatal Downflaw, we raise our glasses to you, internet-ers, and we drink. And then we continue to drink to kill the pain. Still, the fact remains that you are here, and you’re reading this, so on with the show, wherein we look – once again – at the dirty laundry of the goings-on at One Downflaw Plaza and try to figure out how the staff can best monetize your suffering.
Our vehicle of examination will be – as always – the grand chariot that is the Fatal Downflaw Google Analytics Account; which never fails to remind us how many of you jerks are using adblock pro. To you, we say, “congratulations” and also “please give Andy money that he can use to put gas in the ice cream truck that he’ll have to go back to driving because you shining examples of humanity insisted on depriving him of his only other revenue source”. But if you cared, you would have already mailed us money, or sent a birthday card, or if nothing else, paid for adult education so we can make something of ourselves. But as none of those things have happened, we can define the author to audience relationship pretty accurately; we know where we stand with you people. That’s right; “you people”.
A reason for being
As an group of people, you should be commended. Upon close examination, your reasons for visiting are pretty much inscrutable; the only possible explanation is that it’s late, you’re cracking out on your favorite series of tubes, and your poor impulse control leads to you ending up on Fatal Downflaw. And boy howdy, do you arrive for some strange reasons. By far the most disappointing statistic is that 2011’s “Happy 4th of July” post – a post, which, for the record, is a paragraph of text, a “Why u no” graphic, and a poster for a movie that only needs to be referred to as IR4 – and nothing else – continues to live in the top 10 posts. We are talking tens of thousands of hits* per day here, people.
But you’re not here to hear our woes, you’re here for the
porn snarky advice “Why u no” graphics. And since we’re out of those today, here is more of the dumb that brings you, the public, to us. We remind you that why you choose to keep showing up here is your issue. On with the word-association lightning-round!
*also Fatal Downflaw has a bridge to sell you if you think we get that kind of traffic.
Disappointment like the parents of a teen in rehab for the fourth time
- this isn’t twlight
- Sister, you ain’t never lied about that.
- bitch mcconnell
- You guys are hilarious. Good to know that our audience is as creative as we are.
- chicken monkey duck
- Internet… I sure do wish I could quit you.
- mad ballr reviews
- It nearly killed us, so it’s your funeral, pal.
- rip goose
- like… rip up a goose or rest in peace large migratory bird?
- things to do with bourbon
- You guys… How about you drink it?
- toilet conditioner
- Oh come on.
- how to talk dirty to your long-distance boyfriend
- We’re flattered that you’ve come to FD looking for this info instead of doing what any sensible person would do. That being watching porn and taking notes.
- advice for a long distance relationship that is going bad
- …For lack of a better response, see above.
- avoidant personality disorder girls
- Zac’s dating history 101
- beer and wine holding armadillo
- Is this a thing? How is this a thing?
Why do you people want this?There is no reason that everyone shouldn’t want this.
- Is this a thing? How is this a thing?
- brass monkey shameful
- Yeah it is.
- where can I buy qream
- Look, man. Just stop it with the qream, ok? Let it die.
- cabbage rolls disgusting
- See above where we reference talking dirty to your boyfriend
- why people keep having children
- Look at the staff of this website and ask yourself is this is really the right arena for your query, sir.
- funny rebuttals to insults
- We’re big fans of “die”.
- glass of juice hitler
- WHY IS THE INTERNET SO DUMB
Disappointment like the parents of grown man living with his parents, caught in a NSFW situation for the fourteenth time
- hair scrinchie as cock ring
- we appreciate your budget-conscious lifestyle
- pony holder cock ring
- we continue to appreciate your budget-conscious lifestyle
- how to ask girlfriend for facial
- when you figure this out and are swimming in millions of dollars, don’t forget us, the little people.
- draw something doggie style
- Look, this is not rocket science
- contact lens porn
- doing it on bourbon street
- Why do you even need to search for this? Just goto NOLA and do that thing.
- bestiality vanity plates
- avarice thy name is web-tubes.
- banged her like a screen door in a tornado
- at least we’ve found our niche.
- awesome dry humping
- Yes it is. Yes it is.
- alkonyat porno parodia
- <3 you Italians!
- zombie ass
- Fatal Downflaw, the internet’s #1 source of zombie ass. You knew that joke was coming.
- plunger porno
- Pretty sure this is Andy’s fault.
- 3d cumshots
- Do you know that Zac & Andy saw the Harold & Kumar Xmas movie TWICE IN A ROW?
- high school sluts
- Thanks for making sure that the FBI child pr0n unit doesn’t overlook us, dickbag.
- human sexipede sequel
- we can only hope. Hope to die before this happens, that is.
- human beaver computer case
- Really guys? Really?
- katy pervy lady gaga elmo porn
- If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
- actress in katy pervy parody
- Probably hiding out in the furthest reaches of the Pacific Rim, most likely.
As always, the Fatal Downflaw staff encourages you to continue visiting our virtual scab over the gaping wound that is the internet. And bring your friends! The more traffic we receive, the more time we spend lining our pockets with your hard-earned dollars. We also kind of like to swim through the piles of cash that this website generates.
Next time we’ll take a good hard look in the mirror and ask ourselves if we’re really comfortable explaining to our families why we chose to search the internet for “Human Beaver Computer Case”