Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Big changes are afoot here at One Downflaw Plaza, and we wanted to apprise you, the faithful reader, of what’s going on and why. Because we like to pretend that someone other than the three of us actually gives half a fuck about what goes on around here.

First of all, you may have noticed that there hasn’t been much in the way of new material lately. This is because One Downflaw Plaza has been taken over by Swedish terrorists. Zac has been working his way up elevator shafts and through air ducts in his undershirt for a week and a half now, picking them off one by one, but the Swedes are still running pretty strong, even though Zac has a gun now, motherfucker. No demands have been made, and the theory running around the hostages is that this is actually just a plot on the part of the Swedish government (no doubt acting on the orders of a highly secretive division of the UN) to put Fatal Downflaw out of business permanently.

Alternately, we’ve just all had a really busy couple of weeks and haven’t had time to crap out the daily nonsense you’ve come to expect from us. Either way, Zac will still have to walk barefoot over broken glass.

We started this website with no actual plan as to the direction it would go. This should come as a shock to nobody. For the first couple of months we posted whenever we had something worth posting, and though the quantity of articles was fairly low, the quality was significantly higher. At some point Andy had the boneheaded idea that we should publish five days a week. In a gesture that is wholly uncharacteristic of him, Andy actually did some math and figure out that we’d each only have to generate 1.6 articles a week, which didn’t seem like very much at all, really. Then we realized that Zac is functionally illiterate and can only be counted on to write an article on the first Wednesday after each full moon, which cut down productivity drastically. Still, we soldiered on with two principal writers and somehow managed to keep churning out nonsense every day.

Then Andy got a job.

See, this whole business model was waaaaaaay more tenable when Andy had nothing better to do than lay on the couch in my underwear all day, reading the news and getting angry. But now that he has personally contributed to unemployment numbers going down, we are collectively finding it way more difficult to keep up the pace we want.

All of this is a lengthy, boring explanation of the real news here, which is that we are scaling back to publishing three articles a week starting this week. And yes, this article counts.

We will now publish on Monday, Wednesday and Friday only until further notice. In theory this means the quality of the posts will also improve (i.e. we won’t be relying so heavily on “Ask a Jackass” or Sarah writing something about kittens), but I think we’re all adult enough to know that in reality the quality of the writing around here will never be much good.

Along those lines, we have an appeal to those who read our site – and we know you’re out there. We can hear you breathing. Fatal Downflaw is opening itself to submissions. We have had two guest-written articles already as you may remember, and frankly they were some of the best things we’ve ever published. And we want more! If you have an opinion about something and a computer, you too could launch your way to internet semi-obscurity by writing for Fatal Downflaw. The co-workers are assholes and the pay is non-existent, but if for some reason the idea still appeals to you, drop an email to webmaster@fataldownflaw.com and let us know.

Despite the best machinations of the Swedish government and their squad of ace terrorists, Fatal Downflaw is not leaving the internet. We’re just easing back a little bit to accommodate real life. And who knows, when Andy inevitably finds himself unemployed again maybe we’ll bump back up to the schedule you’ve become used to.

But for now, thanks for your patience.

Sincerely,

The Fatal Downflaw Team

Happy Birthday, Now Die (again): Andy

Happy Birthday, Now Die: Sarah

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