Andy and I are back from our adventures and, as promised, we have a trip round up for you.
So what did we do on our great road trip? Mostly we ate and drank. I mean, it’s really what we’re best suited to do. I’ve complied for you a list of where we went so you can either stop fucking up your life and go there or be spared the suffering that we endured.
You can look forward to the next week being full of what we ate, drank and did on our great road trip. Yes, it’s like we’re the annoying couple that makes you sit down and watch their vacation slide show. No, I am not sorry.
Altruistically, I look at this as a handy guide so that you never wander aimlessly around a city desperate for a sandwich and a beverage. Realistically, it’s pretty easy content.
We hit Fort Worth, New Orleans and Memphis. Here’s what we ate in an attempt at chronological order.
Fort Worth
This was my first trip to Texas and all I really expected was Lone Star beer and armadillos. You know, something like this-
I got neither.
What I did get, however, was pretty great and not at all taxidermied.
What we ate-
Honestly, we started at In and Out.Yes, I know, on a great adventure and the first thing I eat when I step foot into Texas is fast food. It’s shameful. But this was my first chance to enjoy the god burger and I did. That double double was great and started a trend for the trip (ie. we ate a lot of hamburgers).
Not only does this place have a sausage of the day, a game bird of the day, and an animal of the day (which our server charmingly called “our little friend on the spit”) the menu lets you know what type of wood everything is cooked over and everything is delicious. Pit Master fat has changed my life, fluffy fried bread served with a cup of rendered fat for dipping? Amazing.
The friend of the day was a lamb.
We had rabbit and rattlesnake sausage! Two animals that I had never before eaten taken out in one shot. Ironically enough, we had had a conversation not two hours earlier about how I didn’t think I could ever eat rabbit because they are too cute.
I am nothing if not a hypocrite. That sausage was awesome.
Burgers and beer goblets as big as your head. Convenient to the opera house for when you’ve planned your day poorly and have no time but you can’t wait until 11:30 to eat dinner.
Beware of miscommunication over cheese fries. Also, split the cheese fries, you really can’t make it on your own with those.
You can’t go to Texas without eating Mexican food, right?
What you want is Esperanza’s. Fantastic migas and delicious sopes. Amazing looking bakery that I was too full to eat. Sadness.
Texas Shaped Waffle!!!
All I wanted from Texas was a Texas shaped waffle and an armadillo sighting. What I got from Texas was holding out on the waffle until the morning we left. I was so excited about the waffle that I forgot to add blueberries and nuts to it so I spread it with the blood of the innocent instead.
It is worth noting that sometimes you find yourself with a person who doesn’t indicate when they are taking your picture and you assume that they’re just taking a picture of the waffle because there is no one on earth that wants to see you at 8:30 in the morning. You would be wrong. But, thankfully, you would also be in possession of photo editing tools because damn that whole photo is not good to see.
Furthermore, I saw no armadillos. I’m convinced they’re imaginary.
New Orleans
New Orleans was really the focal point of the trip. We starting planning this whole extravaganza last year after Andy stopped in NOLA on his own. And if something is fun by yourself it must be even more fun with me, right?
What we ate-
The danger of being a team of indecisive people is that sometimes you’re so excited to get to a city you just say “oh how about we just walk around and stop somewhere that sounds good?” 3 hours later you’re starving and decide to stop wherever you can. This is how you end up at Deja Vu.
The half and half po-boy was nothing special (read: don’t bother) but the red beans and rice were totally edible.
The table next to us was populated with self-important college aged actors talking about Tennessee Williams and David Mamet. They were the worst and may have tainted my opinion of this place overall.
Obviously the best breakfast ever! I feel like I have been waiting all my life for this treat. That may not be hyperbole.
Not having learned our lesson from the previous night we approached lunch as “hey let’s go to the Garden District and wander around and stop when something sounds good” (we are not smart). Then we decide on the Rum House only to discover it’s closed on Mondays. So we continued driving aimlessly until I saw the sign and yelled “Stop! Ethiopian!”
And it was a good thing we stopped. Delicious.
In a rare moment of planning ahead we took to the internet to find a place serving New Orleans style food and ended up here.
I ate a crawfish festival, it was good enough. Not spectacular. Much was made of the crawfish balls but the etouffee was handily my favorite thing on the plate. The fact that they had an Alberino on the wine list made me happy.
There was also a giant stuffed gator in a courtyard and a Matchbox El Camino taunting me in the bathroom stall. I’m going to call it a mixed bag.
I am in love with the Rum House.
In another rare moment of planning, we went back to the Garden District the next day to hit up the open on Tuesdays Rum House and it was so totally worth it. It is the best.
The chorizo flatbread was so good we forgot to take a picture of it until after we killed it.
So many beautiful tacos! To the surprise of approximately no one, duck tacos are my jam.
Double fisting rum drinks is also my jam.
We were so happy to have dinner with NOLA friends Ashe (of Ash In Fashion) and her Beau, Garren, at one of their favorite spots. The quesadillas and nachos are great. Including some bleu cheese and bacon quesadilla that should have just been called “Eat me Andy, I’m made for you”. Perplexingly the burritos are not so great. The margaritas are on point and I doubled up on them because I was on vacation and I “hadn’t been drunk at all on this vacation.” A lie that plagued me through out the trip.
No photographic evidence exists because Andy is the documentarian of this team and he left his camera at the hotel and I was drinking…. I assure you it happened.
Hands down the best fried chicken I have ever tasted. It is no exaggeration to say that the coating on this chicken was made by some sort of divine intervention. It is so fucking delicious I don’t think we spoke to each other at all once the chicken came out, it was all “mmphm murph chicken so good.” “Crunch crunch mromomnom.” The red beans were also the best I’ve ever had and eating the chicken over them let all the crunchy breading shrapnel mix in for extra treats. I’ve dreamed about it ever since.
If you are within a 60 mile radius of Willie Mae’s and you don’t go then you are fucking up your life on such an extreme level I can’t even accept that you are human. You’re an android, aren’t you? A fried chicken hating Android. I knew it.
(no pictures were taken because we were too busy tearing it up)
So here’s the thing, the Napoleon House is amazing for ambiance. It is one of the most charming places I’ve ever eaten. Sitting in the courtyard with the wind kicked up and the sky threatening to burst at any moment was lovely and romantical and perfect.
The food however? Meh. We had what Andy pretentiously, though correctly, called a “thoroughly pedestrian” cheese board, I finally got my muffuletta which was both tasty and good for a million muff jokes but Andy’s red beans were decidedly “sub-Zatarains”. Oooh burn.
Any one will tell you that the Napoleon House’s specialty is the Pimm’s cup. They are wrong.
Dear New Orleans,
That is not how you make a Pimms. This is how you make a Pimms. You’re welcome.
Memphis
We came to Memphis with 2 goals, to eat barbeque and to honor Elvis and we met them admirably.
I have this thing against restaurants that have happy animal logos. Why is that pig so pumped to get eaten? Seriously. I would be pissed. And that is why we ended up at Central BBQ.
I did some internet sleuthing and came up with a list of places that sounded good but what sold me on this one was the pig.
Look at him.
His picture is on the cups too so while I was systematically demolishing his tasty, tasty ribs he was watching.
Good work surly pig. Good work.
After our pilgrimage to Graceland (more about that later) we fell into the “let’s drive until we see something” trap again but it worked out spectacularly as just a few miles down Elvis Presley Blvd we saw a pig van.
A pig shaped van. We knew we had found our lunch.
The place was appropriately Elvis covered and specializes in BBQ spaghetti. It is….interesting. The chopped pig-wich was thoroughly respectable and the spaghetti was baffling. But they serve these deep fried dinner rolls that are amazing.
Apparently, Guy Fieri stopped by here once on his tour of national terror so I was able to make my dad happy by telling him we went to “a Guy place”.”
And there you have it, all of our dining adventures.
Up next- the drinks!
Tourist Traps Part 1: Ft. Worth
Tourist Traps Part 2: New Orleans
Tourist Traps Part 3: Graceland
Next time I am at Juan’s (which, knowing me, is probably 3 days from now), I will take a picture of my quesadilla and send it to you. THEN YOU WILL HAVE ALMOST EVIDENCE.
Fact: Juan’s MAY just be a black hole of picture taking. We met up with blogger friends there Sunday and– ALMOST FORGOT PICTURES. We took 1, outside, 2 hours later, on a dark corner. It’s how we roll.
I think forgetting to document the experience must be a sign of a really good hangout.
I would probably eat Juan’s every week if I lived that close.