Do you talk in your sleep? Are you sure?
The Sleep Talk Recorder app works on a simple premise- sound activated recording that you set when you go to bed will keep track of all the secrets that you tell when you’re talking in your sleep.
Genius right? Well…sort of.
I have a history of sleep talking and sleep laughing and, recently, sleep movie commentating so naturally I wanted to know what hilarious things my subconsciousness lets loose when no one is there to hear it. I decided to try out the Sleep Talk Recorder for a week…For Science!
Ok, really, it was equal parts For Science! and to make sure that there weren’t little people crawling out of my mouth and building an air chrysalis in the night and to see if I could catch any evidence of the poltergeist that keeps turning my tv on.
What I got was fairly unsatisfactory on all fronts.
Night 1
Recording time: 8 hours 34 minutes
Recordings: 97
Drunkenness: None
Interesting events:
4:13 am- get up to turn off the tv that had mysteriously turned itself on.
4:55 am- quiet sound, word?
5:25 am- weird seal bark.
Poltergeist activity! Totally bizarre animal sound! Lots of quieter than expected snoring.
Night 2
Recording time: 5 hours 37 minutes
Recordings: 48
Drunkenness: Post-benefit tipsy
Interesting events: Snoring. Snoring. Snoring.
No poltergeist. Interesting lesson, though there were fewer recordings than the previous night, they were much longer. The longest was 4098.3 seconds.
Night 3
Recording time: 8 hours 20 minutes
Recordings: 72
Drunkenness: None
Interesting events: Lots of weird static. The poltergeist? EVP? The furnace kicking on? Probably the furnace. But! Lots of tossing and turning.
6:40 am- panicked rapid breathing
6:50 am- birds. Loud motherfucking birds.
7:26 am- loud moan and sort of indecipherable shout. Possibly, "no!".
Finally, a word is (maybe) said!
Lesson learned- listening to the playback of this stuff makes me sleepy. I am a human white noise machine.
Night 4
Recording time: 7 hours 33 minutes
Recordings: 110
Drunkenness: None
Interesting events: Nothing. More snoring. More weird static. This is not nearly as interesting as I had hoped it would be.
Night 5
Recording time: 6 hours 16 minutes
Recordings: 1
Drunkenness: Post-game night wine silly.
Interesting events: I decided to monkey with the sensitivity setting to see if I could cut out the static and managed to set it so the only thing that was recorded was my alarm going off in the morning. Genius.
Night 6
Recording time: 8 hours 15 minutes
Recordings: 142
Drunkenness: None
Interesting events: Re-calibrated sensitivity. Back to snores and white noise. Buh.
Night 7
Recording time: 5 hours 35 minutes
Recordings: 92
Drunkenness: Too much whiskey for a Thursday
Interesting events: Following the previously established drunken long snore pattern. More EVP communication. Mostly buzzy and weird. This is crap.
Conclusion:
Pretty much a failure on all fronts but it’s free and nothing at all like this-
