Today is a great day.
For a Monday. In the middle of July. In the middle of a summer full of record heat and misery. Ok, today is kind of terrible except for one thing, today is Andy’s birthday. Let the world rejoice!
For some reason Mr. Nienaber failed to follow last year’s advice and remains among the living (who are just the future dead) so we must again pay tribute to our fearless leader in the only way we know how, through mockery on the internet.
There was a moment when it seemed like a good idea to actually talk about Andy in a sincere and loving way, to pay tribute to all of his good qualities and talk about how he’s actually a warm hearted, generous person whose mama raised him right. He makes our lives better in a million ways, large and small. He’s one of the greatest people you will ever be lucky enough to know and is basically the best ever.
But fuck that.
Instead, we will focus on what makes Andy a quality ranter and reliable source for content, his unending supply of vitriol. Much is made of Andy’s hate and rightfully so. The self-proclaimed Pope Belligerent has been cultivating his image as the internet’s grumpy old man since at least as far back as the Livejournal days. He will take any opportunity to vent his spleen about a list of topics that is both diverse and sometimes perplexing.
So today, in honor of his continued existence as beacon of loathing, we compiled a very special collection of shit Andy would like to set on fire.
Moves Like Jagger
Now if only someone would open a bar that serves only dirty vodka martinis made by goats dressed as clowns while playing Moves Like Jagger as covered by Depeche Mode with Alien Resurrection projected on a large screen it would be the greatest gift that Andy could ever recieve.