Have you guys been following the shitstorm that’s going on in Florida right now? Their asshole governor Rick Scott (he was elected after I left, so you can’t blame this dickbag on me) is demanding files on non-residents from the Department of Homeland Security in order to purge the Florida voting rolls of anyone who is not legally allowed to vote in the US. It’s part of the massive nation-wide attempt on the part of Republicans to, depending on who you ask, either a) ensure that every vote in this nation is cast by legal, law-abiding citizens or b) purge a lot of brown people who normally vote Democrat from the rolls. The feds are suing Florida, Florida is suing the feds, and both sides are hoping this plays well with their constituents. American politics, ladies and gentlemen.
So is there some vast conspiracy of illegal voters to rig Florida for the Dems? Well, they’ve had a Republican governor for as long as anyone can remember, and Alan West is still in office, so if there is it’s not working very well. The Florida initiative has so far questioned the legal status of 1638 voters in Miami-Dade county. Of those, 359 have proved their citizenship and another 26 have been proven by the county. Most of the rest have yet to respond. When asked about the efficacy and necessity of these purges, Governor Scott replied (on CNN),
Look, the debate is over. We know we have almost 100 individuals that are registered to vote that are non-U.S. citizens. Over 50 of them have voted in our elections.
Fair enough. Over 100 improperly registered voters, and 50 that have even voted illegally! Florida has, according to their Department of State, 11,297,945 registered voters. That is, I believe, 0.000885% of the rolls that are improperly registered and a whopping 0.0004425% that have committed voter fraud. But hey, you found fifty cases, so the debate is over. It’s totally worth all the money being spent and all the huge impediments you’re putting in the way of legitimate, legally registered voters in order to wipe out that four-ten-thousandths of a percent, who are obviously exerting great sway on elections.
And since your logic is so sound, Mr. Scott, may I suggest another massive, fiscally idiotic undertaking that will also be completely antithetical to freedom and good governance? As you said, fifty cases ends the debate. Well, below please find a list of fifty Republican politicians who have been federally convicted of crimes. The debate is over, Governor Scott: we should indict every Republican politician in America, just to make sure that they’re not criminals. Please have your office draw up the proposal at once.
- Samuel B. Kent (R) The Federal District Judge of Galveston, Texas was sentenced on May 11, 2009, to 33 months in prison for lying about sexually harassing two female employees. He had been appointed to office by George H. W. Bush in 1990. (2009)
- Lewis Libby (R) Chief of Staff to Vice President Dick Cheney (R), ‘Scooter’ was convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice in the Plame Affair on March 6, 2007. He was sentenced to 30 months in prison and fined $250,000. The sentence was commuted by George W. Bush (R) on July 1, 2007. The felony remains on Libby’s record though the jail time and fine were commuted.
- David Safavian (R) GSA (General Services Administration) Chief of Staff, found guilty of blocking justice and lying, and sentenced to 18 months.
- Roger Stillwell (R) Staff in the Department of the Interior under George W. Bush. Pleaded guilty and received two years suspended sentence.
- Susan B. Ralston (R) Special Assistant to the President and Senior Advisor to Karl Rove, resigned October 6, 2006 after it became known that she accepted gifts and passed information to her former boss Jack Abramoff.
- J. Steven Griles (R) former Deputy to the Secretary of the Interior pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice and was sentenced to 10 months.
- Italia Federici (R) staff to the Secretary of Interior, and President of the Council of Republicans for Environmental Advocacy, pled guilty to tax evasion and obstruction of justice. She was sentenced to four years probation.
- Jared Carpenter (R) Vice-President of the Council of Republicans for Environmental Advocacy, was discovered during the Abramoff investigation and pled guilty to income tax evasion. He got 45 days, plus 4 years probation.
- Mark Zachares (R) staff in the Department of Labor, bribed by Abramoff, guilty of conspiracy to defraud.
- Robert E. Coughlin (R) Deputy Chief of Staff, Criminal Division of the Justice Department pleaded guilty to conflict of interest after accepting bribes from Jack Abramoff. (2008)
- Lester Crawford (R) Commissioner of the Food and Drug Administration, resigned after 2 months. Pled guilty to conflict of interest and received 3 years suspended sentence and fined $90,000. (2006)
- Claude Allen (R) Advisor to President Bush on Domestic Policy, Allen was arrested for a series of felony thefts in retail stores such as Target. (2006) He was convicted on one count and resigned soon after.
- Bernard Kerik (R) his nomination in 2004 as Secretary of Homeland Security was derailed by past employment of an illegal alien as a nanny and other improprieties. On Nov 4, 2009 he pled quilty to two counts of tax fraud and five counts of lying to the federal government and was sentenced to fours years in prison. (2009)
- Brian J. Doyle (R) Deputy Press Secretary in the United States Department of Homeland Security. Indicted for seducing a 14-year-old girl on the internet who was actually a sheriff’s deputy. On November 17, 2006, he was sentenced to 5 years in prison, 10 years of probation, and was registered as a sex offender.
- Tom DeLay (R-TX) The House Majority Leader was reprimanded twice by the House Ethics Committee and DeLay resigned 9 June 2006. Delay was found to have illegally channeled funds from Americans for a Republican Majority to Republican state legislator campaigns. He was convicted of two counts of money laundering and conspiracy in 2010 and sentenced to three years.
- Michael Scanlon (R) former staff to Tom DeLay: working for Abramoff, pled guilty to bribery.
- Tony Rudy (R) former staff to Tom DeLay, pleaded guilty to conspiracy.
- James W. Ellis (R) executive director of Tom DeLay’s political action committee, Americans for a Republican Majority (ARMPAC), was indicted by Texas for money laundering.
- John Colyandro (R) executive director of Tom DeLay’s political action committee, Texans for a Republican Majority (TRMPAC), was indicted by Texas for money laundering.
- Bob Ney (R-OH) pled guilty to conspiracy and making false statements as a result of his receiving trips from Abramoff in exchange for legislative favors. Ney received 30 months in prison.
- Neil Volz (R) former staff to Robert Ney, pleaded guilty to one count of conspiracy in 2006 charges stemming from his work for Bob Ney. In 2007 he was sentenced to two years probation, 100 hours community service, and a fine of $2,000.
- William Heaton (R), former chief of staff for Bob Ney (R), pleaded guilty to a federal conspiracy charge involving a golf trip to Scotland, expensive meals, and tickets to sporting events between 2002 and 2004 as payoffs for helping Abramoff’s clients.
- John Albaugh (R) former chief of staff to Ernest Istook (R-OK) pled guilty to accepting bribes connected to the Federal Highway Bill. Istook was not charged. (2008)
- James Hirni, (R) former staff to Tim Hutchinson (R-AR) was charged with wire fraud for giving a staffer, Don Young (R) of Alaska, a bribe in exchange for amendments to the Federal Highway Bill. (2008)
- Kevin A. Ring (R) former staff to John Doolittle (R-CA) was convicted of five charges of corruption. Doolittle was not charged.
- Duke Cunningham (R-California) pleaded guilty on November 28, 2005 to charges of conspiracy to commit bribery, mail fraud, wire fraud and tax evasion in what came to be called theCunningham scandal. Sentenced to over eight years in prison.
- Bill Janklow (R-South Dakota) convicted of second-degree manslaughter for running a stop sign and killing a motorcyclist. Resigned from the House and given 100 days in the county jail and three years probation. (2003)
- Vito Fossella (R-New York) US Congressman convicted of drunken driving in 2008, later appealed but then pled guilty in 2009 to same charge.
- Larry Craig Senator (R-Idaho) – Married Senator and critic of Clinton’s affair, pled guilty to disorderly conduct in a Minneapolis airport men’s room in June, after having been arrested on a charge of homosexual lewd conduct. Senator Craig had previously stated that “people already know that Bill Clinton is a bad boy – a naughty boy.” (2007)
- Wes Cooley (R-Oregon), Cooley was convicted of having lied on the 1994 voter information pamphlet about his service in the Army. He was fined and sentenced to two years probation (1997)
- Buzz Lukens (R-Ohio) convicted of bribery and conspiracy.
- Jay Kim (R-California) accepted $250,000 in illegal 1992 campaign contributions and was sentenced to two months house arrest (1992)
- Catalina Vasquez Villalpando, (R) Treasurer of the United States. Pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice and tax evasion. The only US Treasurer ever sent to prison. (1992)
- David Durenberger Senator (R-Minnesota) denounced by Senate for unethical financial transactions and then disbarred (1990). He pled guilty to misuse of public funds and given one year probation (1995)
- Jesse Helms Senator (R-North Carolina), whose campaign was found guilty of ‘voter caging’ when 125,000 postcards were sent to mainly black neighborhoods and the results used to challenge their residency and therefore their right to vote. (1990)
- James G. Watt (R) Secretary of Interior, 1981–1983, charged with 25 counts of perjury and obstruction of justice. Sentenced to five years probation, fined $5,000 and 500 hours of community service.
- Deborah Gore Dean, (R) Executive Assistant to (Samuel Pierce, Secretary of HUD 1981–1987, and not charged). Dean was convicted of 12 counts of perjury, conspiracy, bribery. Sentenced to 21 months in prison (1987).
- Phillip D. Winn (R) Assistant Secretary of HUD, 1981–1982, pled guilty to bribery in 1994.
- Thomas Demery, (R) Assistant Secretary of HUD, pled guilty to bribery and obstruction.
- Joseph A. Strauss, (R) Special Assistant to the Secretary of HUD, convicted for accepting payments to favor Puerto Rican land developers in receiving HUD funding.
- Caspar Weinberger (R) Secretary of Defense, was indicted on two counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice on June 16, 1992. Weinberger received a pardon before his trial from George H. W. Bush on December 24, 1992.
- Robert C. McFarlane (R) National Security Adviser, convicted of withholding evidence. Given 2 years probation. Later pardoned by President George H. W. Bush.
- John Poindexter (R) National Security Advisor, was convicted on April 7, 1990 for his role in the Iran-Contra Affair. The convictions were reversed in 1991 on appeal.
- Oliver North (R) Member of the National Security Council, was fired by President Reagan on the same day Poindexter resigned. North was found guilty of perjury and conspiracy, but the charges were overturned on appeal.
- Elliott Abrams (R) Asst Sec of State, convicted of withholding evidence. Given 2 years probation. Later pardoned by President George H. W. Bush.
- Michael Deaver (R) Deputy Chief of Staff to Ronald Reagan 1981–85, pleaded guilty to perjury related to lobbying activities and was sentenced to 3 years probation and fined $100,000.
- Rita Lavelle (R), assistant EPA Administrator, U.S. Environmental Protection Agency misused ‘superfund’ monies and was convicted of perjury. She served six months in prison, was fined $10,000 and given five years probation. (1984)
- David Durenberger Senator (R-Minnesota), denounced by the Senate for unethical financial transactions (1990) and then disbarred as an attorney. In 1995 he pled guilty to 5 misdemeanor counts of misuse of public funds and was given one years probation.
- Donald E. “Buz” Lukens (R-Ohio), Convicted of two counts of bribery and conspiracy. (1996)
- Richard Kelly (R-Florida) Accepted $25K and then claimed he was conducting his own investigation into corruption. Served 13 months.
…oh, and this thing:
Watergate (1972–1973) Republican ‘bugging’ of the Democratic Party National Headquarters at the Watergate Hotel led to a burglary which was discovered. The cover up of the affair by President Richard Nixon (R) and his staff resulted in 69 government officials being charged and 48 pleading guilty. Eventually, Nixon resigned his position.
- John N. Mitchell (R) Attorney General, convicted of perjury.
- Richard Kleindienst (R) Attorney General, found guilty of “refusing to answer questions” given one month in jail.
- Jeb Stuart Magruder (R) Head of Committee to Re-elect the President, pled guilty to 1 count of conspiracy, August 1973
- H. R. Haldeman (R) Chief of Staff for Nixon, convicted of perjury.
- John Ehrlichman (R) Counsel to Nixon, convicted of perjury.
- John W. Dean III (R) Counsel to Nixon, convicted of obstruction of justice.
- Dwight L. Chapin (R) Deputy Assistant to Nixon, convicted of perjury.
- Charles W. Colson (R) Special Consul to Nixon, convicted of obstruction justice.