This Is Awesome: The WineRack

Guys, serious question time, what is better than boobs?

Boobs full of booze!

Really, truly, this is now an option! The world is a glorious place!

Have you met the WineRack? To the casual observer it may just be a sports bra equipped with a plastic collection bag and straw but to anyone with a soul (or a drinking problem) it is so much more. This, my friends, is the stuff of dreams.

So what are we looking at here? Aside from what is handily the greatest logo of all time.

Features Very comfortable sports bra available in versitile black.

Polyurathane bladder holds over 750ml or 25oz. of your favorite beverage.

Drinking tube long enough to route as you wish.

Easy to use on/off valve to control the flow.

Small Size best for 32A thru 34B. See Tech Specs for sizing chart. Design optimized for smaller cup sizes

Hold up there cowboy. “optimized for smaller cup sizes”? What the fuck is that? Don’t they realize that us busty ladies need to smuggle booze too?

Seriously, a look at the size chart made me weep tears of malbec.

This is sizeist discrimination! We already can’t wear halter tops and now we can’t have body temperature wine either?

I thought this was the land of the free, you bastards!

It is my right as a red-blooded, booze swilling, American to play Grapes of Wrath with wine tits if I so choose and none of your “sorry boob monster you’re breaking our chart” is going to stop me!

I mean, why does Kathie Lee get to have all the fun?

Full of sadness that the original WineRack seems to be out of my reach, I did some poking around on Amazon to see if maybe there is some alternative. There is not, but my searching revealed a startling truth-

My id has been buying all of the Wineracks!

Seriously, I’ve had my eye on that glass that holds a bottle of wine for a while now and I’ve already discussed my fascination with the Go Girl and that camera flask? Camera flask! Genius and one size fits all! But none of these products have the same magic as the WineRack. Something about pulling a straw out of your shirt to suck down a beverage from bags that stay inflated and ostensibly double as water wings is so delightful I just can’t stand it.

I know I can’t be the only one who is upset about being out of WineRack range, please Beer Belly Inc. expand your line to include the rest of us. I have a list of very thirsty ladies here who don’t mind being extra top-heavy.

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